"So He Rested from all His Work!"

To be completely transparent, I have felt kind of overwhelmed lately. 

The way I have described my current life situation is that I had a fake transition out of college this past May, and a not so fake transition into the real world. I "should have" graduated in May, but didn't, which is completely OK - except for the fact I somehow convinced myself that I was finished with school. This has made the transition back into classes this semester really difficult. I honestly have had no desire to do any school work or attend any classes, and a few of them are challenging - making it even more undesirable.

All this school stuff has just added onto a unpleasantly long to-do list. I absolutely love all of the many things I do and am involved in (except for school, currently), but learning how to balance it all has got me slightly frazzled. The last few weeks I have had zero energy - and that in itself has been discouraging. 

Monday alone felt like an entire week, and then Tuesday took its toll. 

I wanted sushi crazy bad, and so I went and made a to-go order expecting to go sit at home and eat alone. To my surprise, I was greeted by Brooke (my roommate) when I walked in the door and she sat with me and watched me eat my sushi (which was so unattractive, I might add - I'm not the best at using chopsticks). It was so encouraging and uplifting - and I think needed for both of us. 

One comment lead to another - which led to us watching not one but two movies. We both repeatedly said, "I can't believe we are doing this," knowing that our to-do list were not completing themselves. I can't even remember the last time I watched a movie - and here I was watching two (on a school/work night). We watched "When Harry Met Sally" and "10 Things I Hate About You," both some of my 90's favorites - and laughed the entire time. 

This morning when I woke up [at the crack of dawn] I was so full of joy. The world did not end because I did nothing productive last night, and in fact I feel way more productive today than I have in a long time. 

.................

"On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work (Genesis 2:2)." Have you even sat an thought about this? God doesn't need to rest - He isn't human. He lacks nothing. So, why did He? 

I feel pretty confident in the argument that He rested to show us it was good. He rested, to leave an example for us. If God rested from the work He did, I feel certain I require rest - and probably a lot of it. 

Sometimes we need to just chill. So thankful for a night of encouragement and laughter.  So thankful for rest. 

....................

xoxo, 

J

I Don't Know and I Don't Care...

On August 16th, 2012 I wrote a blog post titled "Sure Wish I knew." (Just click on that title to read it) 

Reading it today, I am in amazement as I now know many things I once wondered about. This past year has been a crazy one, every single day a blessing. Many times I have sat down to write a blog about this past year - but have yet to find adequate words to describe it. I decided I would try to summarize it by following up to the things I told you I wish I knew, a year ago.

"I am not sure if I will graduate on time, to be quite honest. Sure wish I knew today."

No, I didn't graduate on time. Yea, I was a little upset about it, but God has confirmed in so many ways that He wanted me on this campus one more semester, for a reason. I am thankful to still be here. On August 21st, I attended my last, first day of class. I am so excited to be graduating this coming December (if I pass Spanish - be praying for that!) 

"I am not sure what I will be doing in May if I do graduate. Sure wish I knew today." 

Wow. This makes me laugh hysterically. No, I didn't graduate in May, but will soon. I sure couldn't have ever dreamed this the day I wrote this blog - but when I graduate in December I will be moving to Kampala, Uganda to serve with A Perfect Injustice Ministry. Founder of API, Abby Kaketto came to Raleigh this past February, and I was blessed to spend some with her. What began with a casual cup of coffee in Starbucks ended with a very overwhelmed me - and a "job" offer. I spent some time praying on my car ride home - and before even parking my car God had made it extremely clear this was what He wanted for my life. In 136 I will be boarding a plane to Africa! This was in no way the plans I had for my life - but I am so excited to be living out God's plan for my life! 

"I am not sure "what i want to be when I grow up" or really, even what direction to go in my career life. Sure wish I knew today!"

After returning from Uganda next August, I will continue to work for API from the states for at least two years. I don't really know where I will live beginning in August, but I am feeling pretty confident it will be in Raleigh. I feel certain that I want to be in full time ministry, whether that means overseas or in the states, I am not sure. In the past year I have developed a great desire to serve college-age girls, and will be seeking ways to do that for my "career" as well as working with API.

"I am not sure (at all) how in the world I will pay off college. Sure wish I knew today."

Yea, I am even more confused about this one now. It just so happened that I decided on a career that provides very little money. I am so confident though that God will provide. I don't know "how" He will do it - but know that He will do it!  

"I am not sure who I will marry, when I will marry them/meet them, how many children I will have/adopt, where I will live, how many wins Pack football will obtain, how many more parking tickets I will get, how many more college encouraged pounds I will gain, if I will ever pass spanish 201....... Sure wish I knew today!"

I am ridiculous. Did I really write this? Well, I am still not certain who I will marry, when or if I have met them, how many children I will adopt, and so on. I can tell you, I don't wish I knew today. I know God will provide for me in a mighty way - and as excited as I am for Him to do it, I am very ok with waiting on his perfect timing. 

Side note: The Pack didn't win enough games, but did ok. Excited about this season (Saturday was a great start). I also got a ton of parking tickets in the past year, probably more than I could have even expected. I don't think I gained pounds and I have yet to pass spanish - BUT IT WILL HAPPEN THIS SEMESTER!  

".... and here we are. On the first day of senior year. I have NO clue what God holds for me. If the past three years have been so eventful, I am banking on the fourth one being eventful too!... and it makes me SO excited!!!!" 

I couldn't have been more accurate. Wow, this past year certainty was eventful. I wish I could explain that to you in more detail! What I can tell you is that God changed my heart in a really big way. I am incapable of titling this blog "Sure Wish I Knew," and not because I know all the answers to life, but because I don't and am ok with it! Praise God! 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 

I posted these pictures of me on my first day of college and [what I thought was] my last day of college on the "Sure Wish I Knew" post. I looked exactly the same. 

Soon after I decided to start growing my hair out - so a year later, here I am. Can't decide which I like better, and am considering going brunette. Opinions? Tell me what ya think! 

Love always, 

J

Jordan Takes a Tumble....

Sunday morning I attempted to carry a set of cornhole boards down a dark staircase. Notice I said "attempted." I attempted and failed - dropping one of the boards on my foot. I knew right then that I had broken my foot and at the moment felt as if it shattered every bone. Needless to say, I am a drama queen. My foot is not broken, just bruised. Regardless, every step I take the pain in my foot reminds me of the tragic cornhole catastrophe!

One disaster wasn't enough so I decided to fall down the stairs yesterday morning. If you didn't know, I nanny at 5:30am every morning, and it feels particularly early on Mondays. I guess I wasn't completely awake and - BAM. Down I went.

Sometimes when experiencing high levels of pain I feel nauseous and then pass out (What a whimp, right?). It is a pattern in my life that doctors just can't figure out. So while I sat up, head spinning, I quickly thought, "hope this 4 year old knows how to call 911!" Following that thought was that awful nauseous feeling and I laid at the bottom of the staircase prepared to faint.  Praise the good Lord, I didn't - but now have some more bruises to match my foot.

Currently, I want to scream every time I sit in a chair - because my rear hurts so bad. Every time I lift my arm or lay on my side, I again remember my great fall. (But seriously, I wish someone was there to witness this. It must have been hilarious.)

My current physical problems have got me thinking. It is crazy how much we think about our physical bodies. This summer I got a skin disease, and thought about it 24/7. I refused to wear a bathing suite, because to me, I looked so disguising. Every time I get a blemish on my face, I am seeking a new type of skin-care and am self-continuous about it all day long. Two pounds gained might as well be thirty and one increased pants size would be the end of the world. Constantly I (we) are aware of our physical problems, but inwardly, not so much.

Lately God has been showing me a lot of the brokenness and ugliness inside of me. I have realized how full of pride I am. I have seen how selfish I can be. I have become aware of the many many ways I am judgmental of many people if not all the people around me. I have been convicted about the small amount of time I spend talking to God or reading His word. I have noticed that I rarely share the Gospel even though I understand its importance and what it means for the lost souls surrounding me, daily. 

This list of inward problems are microscopic compared to the VERY long list of problems I have. Yes, I have acknowledged these problems - but what am I doing to fix them? I am so concerned with my outwardly problems I do not focus on the inward - which is what really matters, eternally. 

In 1 Peter 3, it says, "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

How convicting. God isn't concerned about what we look outwardly. But He is concerned with what we look like inwardly. 

I desire to be as aware of my inward problems as I am with my currently outwardly problems. I want to acknowledge my sin as much as I  have acknowledged the pain in my foot and rear, every step I take or everytime I sit in a chair. 

This isn't to teach. I do not preach. It is a humble declaration of my sin and public statement of my conviction, with the hopes it will convict someone else who needs convicting. 

Always with love, 

J 

xoxo