Sunday morning I attempted to carry a set of cornhole boards down a dark staircase. Notice I said "attempted." I attempted and failed - dropping one of the boards on my foot. I knew right then that I had broken my foot and at the moment felt as if it shattered every bone. Needless to say, I am a drama queen. My foot is not broken, just bruised. Regardless, every step I take the pain in my foot reminds me of the tragic cornhole catastrophe!
One disaster wasn't enough so I decided to fall down the stairs yesterday morning. If you didn't know, I nanny at 5:30am every morning, and it feels particularly early on Mondays. I guess I wasn't completely awake and - BAM. Down I went.
Sometimes when experiencing high levels of pain I feel nauseous and then pass out (What a whimp, right?). It is a pattern in my life that doctors just can't figure out. So while I sat up, head spinning, I quickly thought, "hope this 4 year old knows how to call 911!" Following that thought was that awful nauseous feeling and I laid at the bottom of the staircase prepared to faint. Praise the good Lord, I didn't - but now have some more bruises to match my foot.
Currently, I want to scream every time I sit in a chair - because my rear hurts so bad. Every time I lift my arm or lay on my side, I again remember my great fall. (But seriously, I wish someone was there to witness this. It must have been hilarious.)
My current physical problems have got me thinking. It is crazy how much we think about our physical bodies. This summer I got a skin disease, and thought about it 24/7. I refused to wear a bathing suite, because to me, I looked so disguising. Every time I get a blemish on my face, I am seeking a new type of skin-care and am self-continuous about it all day long. Two pounds gained might as well be thirty and one increased pants size would be the end of the world. Constantly I (we) are aware of our physical problems, but inwardly, not so much.
Lately God has been showing me a lot of the brokenness and ugliness inside of me. I have realized how full of pride I am. I have seen how selfish I can be. I have become aware of the many many ways I am judgmental of many people if not all the people around me. I have been convicted about the small amount of time I spend talking to God or reading His word. I have noticed that I rarely share the Gospel even though I understand its importance and what it means for the lost souls surrounding me, daily.
This list of inward problems are microscopic compared to the VERY long list of problems I have. Yes, I have acknowledged these problems - but what am I doing to fix them? I am so concerned with my outwardly problems I do not focus on the inward - which is what really matters, eternally.
In 1 Peter 3, it says, "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
How convicting. God isn't concerned about what we look outwardly. But He is concerned with what we look like inwardly.
I desire to be as aware of my inward problems as I am with my currently outwardly problems. I want to acknowledge my sin as much as I have acknowledged the pain in my foot and rear, every step I take or everytime I sit in a chair.
This isn't to teach. I do not preach. It is a humble declaration of my sin and public statement of my conviction, with the hopes it will convict someone else who needs convicting.
Always with love,
J
xoxo
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