"You will not all be present at your 5th year reunion."

Andrew Sanders
November 20, 1990 - September 29, 2013

Mr. Wayne P. James has always been famous for giving a annual speech to his students. His words have always been, "you will not all be present at your 5th year reunion."

When I heard these words as a freshman in high school, I couldn't grasp the idea, and most definitely did not receive his speech as reality.

This was until January 7th of my senior year when my sweet friend Katie's life was nearly ripped away from her. That night in the ICU waiting room, I collapsed in the arms of my father and asked, "everything is going to be ok, isn't it?" His answer nearly took the breath away from me. He responded, "I don't know." I knew at this point that my dad did not have all the answers - but he pointed me to a Heavenly Father who did.

I really believe that in this moment, I chose to have a personal relationship with God. Maybe in this moment, it was because I knew He was the only one who could save her. Maybe it was from the fear of death. Maybe it was my desire to have security in knowing I would one day go to heaven. Regardless, since that day, God has proven himself to me relentlessly, as I have continued to fail him time and time again.

One of the many ways I fail him is not living intentionally daily. Since January 7th, the knowledge that life is short and we truly do not know when our last breath will be, seems to slip my mind. Many days, I live as if there is much more time to decide to live "right." This was until the summer after my freshman year of college when I got the heart stopping phone call that our dear friend Dajuan had been shot to death.

I was asked to speak at his memorial service representing the class of 2009, and very hesitantly agreed.  I don't think many people heard a word I said that service, because the only sound anyone heard was the heart-wrenching cry of his mother. As I stood in front of a room full of young people listening to this noise, I once again remembered that life was short - and we never knew its end - none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

Since that day, several years later, I once again forget that I am not invincible.

This was until this past Monday morning at 5 a.m. when the world seemed to stop for a moment, with the news that our dear friend Andrew Sanders had very suddenly passed away.

It would be so easy to question why God look him so soon. It would be easy for some of us to question if there was even a God or why He allowed this to happen.

OR it could make us question who we are living our lives for, and if we are living our lives well. It could make us question, what will happen when we die?

Does Andrews death make me wonder "why"? Yes, absolutely. Does it make me question God? No, not for a second. I can't give all the answers and I can't promise you that it will even sound logical to you. But I can promise this: because of my relationship with God, my life has purpose. Because of my relationship with God, I have joy - even when life is hard. Because of my relationship with God, I am guaranteed eternity with Him, and all of those who too love Him. I am so thankful I am promised eternity - but I don't love Him for a ticket to heaven, I love Him for the sacrifice He made for me (and you).

I am heartbroken over Andrews death. I would do anything to hug him one last time, but no amount of tears will bring him back. I pray that Andrews passing bring about great change and good things. I pray this event makes each one of us pause for a moment and think about the relationship we have or don't have with our creator.

We don't really have an option to not believe Mr. James wise words. We now know they in fact are true. We will not all be at our fifth year reunion. We may not even be here tomorrow - so don't wait. Choose a life of purpose today.

All out of love for you and the Gospel,

Jordan
xoxo

"So He Rested from all His Work!"

To be completely transparent, I have felt kind of overwhelmed lately. 

The way I have described my current life situation is that I had a fake transition out of college this past May, and a not so fake transition into the real world. I "should have" graduated in May, but didn't, which is completely OK - except for the fact I somehow convinced myself that I was finished with school. This has made the transition back into classes this semester really difficult. I honestly have had no desire to do any school work or attend any classes, and a few of them are challenging - making it even more undesirable.

All this school stuff has just added onto a unpleasantly long to-do list. I absolutely love all of the many things I do and am involved in (except for school, currently), but learning how to balance it all has got me slightly frazzled. The last few weeks I have had zero energy - and that in itself has been discouraging. 

Monday alone felt like an entire week, and then Tuesday took its toll. 

I wanted sushi crazy bad, and so I went and made a to-go order expecting to go sit at home and eat alone. To my surprise, I was greeted by Brooke (my roommate) when I walked in the door and she sat with me and watched me eat my sushi (which was so unattractive, I might add - I'm not the best at using chopsticks). It was so encouraging and uplifting - and I think needed for both of us. 

One comment lead to another - which led to us watching not one but two movies. We both repeatedly said, "I can't believe we are doing this," knowing that our to-do list were not completing themselves. I can't even remember the last time I watched a movie - and here I was watching two (on a school/work night). We watched "When Harry Met Sally" and "10 Things I Hate About You," both some of my 90's favorites - and laughed the entire time. 

This morning when I woke up [at the crack of dawn] I was so full of joy. The world did not end because I did nothing productive last night, and in fact I feel way more productive today than I have in a long time. 

.................

"On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work (Genesis 2:2)." Have you even sat an thought about this? God doesn't need to rest - He isn't human. He lacks nothing. So, why did He? 

I feel pretty confident in the argument that He rested to show us it was good. He rested, to leave an example for us. If God rested from the work He did, I feel certain I require rest - and probably a lot of it. 

Sometimes we need to just chill. So thankful for a night of encouragement and laughter.  So thankful for rest. 

....................

xoxo, 

J

I Don't Know and I Don't Care...

On August 16th, 2012 I wrote a blog post titled "Sure Wish I knew." (Just click on that title to read it) 

Reading it today, I am in amazement as I now know many things I once wondered about. This past year has been a crazy one, every single day a blessing. Many times I have sat down to write a blog about this past year - but have yet to find adequate words to describe it. I decided I would try to summarize it by following up to the things I told you I wish I knew, a year ago.

"I am not sure if I will graduate on time, to be quite honest. Sure wish I knew today."

No, I didn't graduate on time. Yea, I was a little upset about it, but God has confirmed in so many ways that He wanted me on this campus one more semester, for a reason. I am thankful to still be here. On August 21st, I attended my last, first day of class. I am so excited to be graduating this coming December (if I pass Spanish - be praying for that!) 

"I am not sure what I will be doing in May if I do graduate. Sure wish I knew today." 

Wow. This makes me laugh hysterically. No, I didn't graduate in May, but will soon. I sure couldn't have ever dreamed this the day I wrote this blog - but when I graduate in December I will be moving to Kampala, Uganda to serve with A Perfect Injustice Ministry. Founder of API, Abby Kaketto came to Raleigh this past February, and I was blessed to spend some with her. What began with a casual cup of coffee in Starbucks ended with a very overwhelmed me - and a "job" offer. I spent some time praying on my car ride home - and before even parking my car God had made it extremely clear this was what He wanted for my life. In 136 I will be boarding a plane to Africa! This was in no way the plans I had for my life - but I am so excited to be living out God's plan for my life! 

"I am not sure "what i want to be when I grow up" or really, even what direction to go in my career life. Sure wish I knew today!"

After returning from Uganda next August, I will continue to work for API from the states for at least two years. I don't really know where I will live beginning in August, but I am feeling pretty confident it will be in Raleigh. I feel certain that I want to be in full time ministry, whether that means overseas or in the states, I am not sure. In the past year I have developed a great desire to serve college-age girls, and will be seeking ways to do that for my "career" as well as working with API.

"I am not sure (at all) how in the world I will pay off college. Sure wish I knew today."

Yea, I am even more confused about this one now. It just so happened that I decided on a career that provides very little money. I am so confident though that God will provide. I don't know "how" He will do it - but know that He will do it!  

"I am not sure who I will marry, when I will marry them/meet them, how many children I will have/adopt, where I will live, how many wins Pack football will obtain, how many more parking tickets I will get, how many more college encouraged pounds I will gain, if I will ever pass spanish 201....... Sure wish I knew today!"

I am ridiculous. Did I really write this? Well, I am still not certain who I will marry, when or if I have met them, how many children I will adopt, and so on. I can tell you, I don't wish I knew today. I know God will provide for me in a mighty way - and as excited as I am for Him to do it, I am very ok with waiting on his perfect timing. 

Side note: The Pack didn't win enough games, but did ok. Excited about this season (Saturday was a great start). I also got a ton of parking tickets in the past year, probably more than I could have even expected. I don't think I gained pounds and I have yet to pass spanish - BUT IT WILL HAPPEN THIS SEMESTER!  

".... and here we are. On the first day of senior year. I have NO clue what God holds for me. If the past three years have been so eventful, I am banking on the fourth one being eventful too!... and it makes me SO excited!!!!" 

I couldn't have been more accurate. Wow, this past year certainty was eventful. I wish I could explain that to you in more detail! What I can tell you is that God changed my heart in a really big way. I am incapable of titling this blog "Sure Wish I Knew," and not because I know all the answers to life, but because I don't and am ok with it! Praise God! 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 

I posted these pictures of me on my first day of college and [what I thought was] my last day of college on the "Sure Wish I Knew" post. I looked exactly the same. 

Soon after I decided to start growing my hair out - so a year later, here I am. Can't decide which I like better, and am considering going brunette. Opinions? Tell me what ya think! 

Love always, 

J