I'm Not Sure that Jesus Really is the Reason For My Season...

This past Sunday me and one of my best friends, Kelsey Murray, had the great opportunity to speak at Southside Baptist Church in Rocky Mount about Missions.

As we put on our mics on our heads blew up a little bit because as much as both of us love to talk, we love people listening to us talk more.... but believe me... the second we opened our mouths up there on that stage, we were completely humbled.

In the past year God has given me the opportunity not only once, but twice to serve Him in Africa.
I feel like a large majority of my year has been talking about my travels, blogging about my travels or thinking about and planning my next trip there!

While we sat in the living room Sunday afternoon going over what we we were going to speak on, memories began to flood in. We were dying of laughter and then border line tears at all the hilarious and mind blowing experiences we had.

One memory that we began to talk about was one I don't think I have shared since returning from Africa.... one that I don't even think I have talked about at all, and speaking about it in that pulpit Sunday night both humbled me and convicted me!

When me and Kelsey knew that God was calling us to Africa we knew! When one trip got cancelled, we were bound and determined to still follow Gods plan, and we decided we would just go ourselves. I was ok with this idea, though it scared some of the people in my life, and I felt brave and courageous.  But then... Kelsey called with tentative dates.... December 17th through December 31st. Some how all that bravery I had felt a few days before disappeared, as the thought of "missing" Christmas scared me to death... I responded, "well, I will pray about it." God made himself clear, and He didn't change his mind.... we went to Africa!

I remember waking up on Christmas day trying so hard to be full of joy, but whether I showed it or not, I was heart broken. Me and Kelsey exchanged gifts and looked at our coloring book Tree, and I deep down missed waking up to a living room full of presents. As the day went on my heart became more shallow, as I was dwelling on all the traditions of Christmas I was missing. I chocked down the tears when I talked to my family on the phone, but the second I hung up, the tears flooded.

That night we and Kelsey returned to our compound from an awesome African wedding experience and began to throw a pity party. We sat alone at a table in our house and said, "I just want dinner. we don't even get Christmas dinner." God is hilarious, and about that time there was a knock on our door. Two missionaries from Germany were there asking us if we wanted dinner.... we then sat around the table for hours having extremely encouraging conversations. Me and Kelsey then went to our room and she began reading out-loud the "Kisses from Kate" book she had given me for Christmas about a girl our age who has surrendered her life to God, and serves full time in Uganda. Whether she knows I realized or not I am not sure, but I began to hear Kelsey's voice get a little shaky, and then we looked at each other... that's when it all clicked...

Every year we talk about the "true meaning of Christmas." We get upset when stores refuse to say "CHRIST'mas" because we believe He is the "reason for the season." We read the Christmas story on Christmas day after we open up hundreds of dollars worth of presents, and eat so much food its gluttony... and some how our holiday was "Christ-centered!"

I was in Africa. Surrounded by starving Children who have never received Christmas presents. People who have never drank clean water. People who don't even have a home. People who have never even heard the name of Jesus... and I was upset over lost traditions, and the need for "Christmas dinner."

Do I really get the real reason of Christmas? Is Jesus really the center of my life? If I lost every materialistic possession, every tradition, every comfort in my life, would I still serve Him?

As this Christmas roles around I have been thinking a lot. This year I will not be in Africa on Christmas. I will live a comfortable American and material-centered Christmas. What about the way I celebrate Christmas represents Christ love? The same love that God showed us when He sent baby Jesus to us.... to die for us.

Do I truly believe in the Gospel and its power? Do I really understand the true meaning of Christmas? What about my life shows that I do?

I am here to say it doesn't. Not at all. Praying that God gives me the boldness to change that.

I challenge you to do that same!

About to speak! Clearly loving it too much! : ) 

Our Christmas tree! 

Our African Wedding Experience! 

The day after Christmas, we got to deliver Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes!
One of the most humbling and memorable experience of my life! 

Learning Not to be a "People-Person"

There is not one bone in my body that is introverted. To say I am a "people-person" would be a  understatement. It takes approximately five minutes alone for me to feel lonely.

All of these statements are sadly true, and often are a negative part of my life. Its funny, because typically you would think that being a people-person would be a good character trait. The problem is that I love people so much, that it is people themselves that I allow to define how happy I am.

Scenario 1: I can distinctly remember one specific night during sophomore year when I had nothing to do. Not one friend had called to see what I was doing or asked if I wanted to hang out. I remember sitting on my bed thinking, "It is a Friday night. I have nothing to do. My life absolutely sucks." And sadly, I truly believed this. The amount of loneliness that overwhelmed me, is pathetic.

Scenario 2: I am completely content in being single. For about 95 percent of the time, it is amazing. But then there is the other five percent. I have to admit, as I approach graduation, I often think, "wow, how in the world did I just go through four years of college without dating anyone?" I distinctly remember having this conversion recently: "I am fine being single, but what is wrong with me? I don't even really care if I date anyone or not, but it would be great if i felt like people, like, wanted to date me or something!" This is pathetic I realize. But, just real honest and humbly I admit, yes... I said this.

Scenario 3: I LOVE the people in my life. If you are my friend, you know it, and I have a ton of them. I hope that the people in my life would agree. I try hard to encourage, and uplift. I try to love, and support. I don't have many acquaintances; I really feel extremely close to almost all of my friends and family. Here is the problem. They are such a HUGE part of my life, that the second one of them hurts my feelings or disappoints me, I am crushed. I distinctly remember one specific time in my life when I had a friend disappoint me. As our friendship came to a end, I was completely devastated. I had put so much worth into that friendship in my life, that when that person disappointed me, my heart broke. Years later looking back, I feel ridiculous about how much I let it steal my joy. Not only that, but in the way I have let it happen over and over again.

All boys are stupid. Girls love to talk behind your back. No one is perfect. Everyone will disappoint you.

These statements are true, and even though I know it, every reminder hurts me BAD.

In a recently reminder that the people I love will disappoint me, I realized I am a "people-person." I am a person that lets people define my happiness. 

I need to fix my life to where I am a "Jesus-person." How exciting my social life is shouldn't define me, but my prayer life should.

The way that people are or are not perusing relationships with me shouldn't define me, but the way that Jesus is perusing me, and the way I am responding, should.

The disappointments of people in my life shouldn't define me, but the knowledge that Jesus NEVER will, should.

Psalms 118:8 says," It is better to trust in the Lord, than to put confidence in man."

Psalm 32:10 says, "Many are the woes of the wicked, but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

When people fail you, let it be a reminder that God never will. Though I may lack trust in man, I am beyond thankful for a unfailing God who I will forever put my trust in!

Shout out to one of the best one of those people that I love! SO thankful for this fine friend, Lauren! !